zukeini | VICTORY ROAD IC CONTACT

Hey, Zuke!

Listen, we were discussing things as a group today - specifically, how you've got feelings for some of us in the group - but there's kind of a roadblock. Grant doesn't know you're into him yet, does he? But...he kinda needs to know that for us to have a comprehensive discussion about it, you know? And I wouldn't feel comfortable telling him for you - I don't think that'd be fair to either of you. He deserves to hear it from you firsthand, and you deserve the right to handle it your own way.

So while I don't want to rush you into approaching a delicate subject before you're ready or anything...I do think you kinda need to talk this over with him soon. He needs to consider where he stands on it and how it'll affect our multifaceted relationship, but he obviously can't do that until you give him the information to work with, yeah?

["How it'll affect our multifaceted relationship." This was so much to unpack. It took Zuke a long time before responding. He stared at the words and honestly felt the anxiety make him sick in his gut. Like now his lunch was trying to come up.

Maybe it was all a bad idea. But they said it wasn't a bad idea. Look how awkward they are talking to you.

This was Zuke's worst nightmare.]

So you guys really did go talk about it. Before I even had the guts to spill it all out.

Well...yeah? Should we not have? We can't really answer your feelings without discussing it with the other people we're dating, after all. And, well...you know it's kind of a weird position we're all in, what with Sylvain leaving. And me having personal issues on top of that, with that relationship of mine that imploded not too long ago. It was important for us to talk it all over. And there's only so long we could hold back mentioning it before...well, on top of making you wait indefinitely for some kind of answer, it'd start to feel like we were hiding things from our boyfriends? Which I'm sure you can understand would be pretty awkward.

What would you have wanted us to do instead? Waited until you spoke to Grant, maybe? I guess maybe we could have...maybe it would have been better if we had. But Dimitri kind of kicked off the talk, and I didn't even really consider that Grant didn't know yet so I didn't think to stop him before we got into it.

No, of course you had to talk about it. That's not what I meant by saying all of that. It's just that

Well

I held it on for longer than you guys did. I should've come clean so much sooner and now that it's out, I'm sure it's all confusing because I just told you and Dimitri.

Only a little. But like I said, Grant really does need to know. I don't want to put any kind of time limit on things, because it's got to take a lot of nerve to confess to someone that you like them. Truth be told, I've never had to even attempt that myself, so I can only admire your nerve.

But the harsh truth is that until you do talk to Grant, things are kind of going to be in limbo for you. Based on what we've talked about so far, Dimitri and I are going to need some time regardless - partially for ourselves, and partially because Felix is understandably not taking the disappearance of his husband well and he's really not ready for any significant changes to our arrangements just yet. But with you and Grant not being on the same page, well...we can't actually nail anything down, no matter how much time passes, because on both your side and ours, he's an integral part of this. So you can take whatever time you need, but that's going to translate into things being up in the air longer, you know what I mean? And I feel bad enough for your having to wait as it is.

You're right, I know you're right.

No, really, I see you point.

Holding out like this is really unfair to all of you. Especially to Grant and to Felix. Me being coward is just that, being a coward. I know you said I wasn't responsible for any pain or awkwardness but it's been so hard to shake that feeling away. I think that's what got me so scared in my boots.

But...yeah, I have to tell Grant.

I'm sorry. I know all of this is really rough on you. If there's anything I can do to make it easier, let me know.

I'll tell him.

It doesn't matter how tough it is on me, in the end of the day.

I just can't drag you all down anymore.

You're not dragging us down, Zuke. I don't want you to interpret what I'm saying like that. I just want to make sure we're all on the same page, and Grant needs to have all the relevant information for that.

Also, just because how tough things are on you doesn't change what needs to be done, that doesn't mean it doesn't matter. It matters a lot to me, at least. You're a great guy, Zuke. You deserve to have things easy. What we get and what we deserve don't match up most of the time, but...well, if I had to do something hard and painful, I know you wouldn't brush that off.

[…]

Okay. I need to...think about the best way to bring it to him. Because I want this to go okay, one way or another.

Whatever you need to do. Just make sure to let me know if there's anything I can do to help, okay?

VICTORY ROAD IC CONTACT

Super backdated to second polycule talk, look, it's fine

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